Skip to main content

Loneliness......


I am in a really good place, I feel grown up. I feel like I know the sound of my own voice. Finally!! :0)  is all that I can say.
It has been a journey; that is true!
Has it been worth it = hell, to the yeah it has!

I have been so scared to be alone that I have desperately looked towards people and places, even things to make me happy and lessen the fear of loneliness. I have even acted inappropriately, but what I have come to realise is that it was my internal courage that gave me the freedom to embrace life, and through this courage I have realised that I won’t be truly lonely as lonely is just a state of mind. It is a thought system that wants something else or someone else to fill a gap. However if I take responsibility for my life and what I fill it with there is no reason to really be lonely. Yeah of course we all get those moments when we wish we could be with someone and not just romantically. Being lonely isn’t always just for the single ones. I hear people often that are married talk about how lonely they are. I however have realised to have a fulfilling and happy life you have to know the rhythm of your own heart and not be scared to eliminate the people, places or things that cause you stress. To fill your life, your heart, your mind with what makes you tick and we shouldn’t settle for people that can’t or won’t do that for us. We also should not drag someone along for the ride if we cannot do that for them. I have been comfortable dating before when I knew I wasn’t being fare on the guy, just because I wanted that someone for those lonely nights... However looking back I was causing guilt within my own heart hence feeling even lonelier. Likewise I have been in a situation where I know I have been taken for a ride but I have allowed it as I thought it was better to be wanted even if it was only momentarily rather than sit at home alone. How wrong was I. I now have no fear in eliminating a dating scene and love my own company. I love sitting there reading, writing, watching a film or actually going out with my friends that I know are with me or I with them for genuine reasons. For reasons no other than we simply love each other’s company. We feel full of giddy stupidity, have a belly full of fiery opinions and we feel ace when we get back to the comfort of our home as we have had a good time. Where being honest is not a problem and you get the truth when you ask for it.
I now embrace my loneliness and am glad I have been single so long to really learn that I won’t settle for someone just to kind of like me or me to just kind of like them. I will wait and see if they can REALLY like me with my loud voice, over enthusiastic outlook, get go attitude to make things happen and my horrible humour. Someone that will amend their expectation and that I can do the same for them. I embrace feeling bored and lonely as I will now endeavour to use this time to get even better at a hobby or simply learn how to make the best brew in town! Might even start a black leather bound book on what wine I prefer!  
Life really can be embraced fully once you know yourself and don’t settle for not knowing what makes you a better person and you stop relying on others to tell you! When you simply stop settling for what doesn’t feel just quite right...


Odders By the way that is me embracing lonlieness :0) 
X 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Circle of life

I remember her calling me down from a tree. I was angry! I was so angry that I tried to run away. I ran as far as the tree outside. I climbed it in my skirt. Noone had noticed how upset I was. So I thought. She did. She yoodled and sang for me to laugh at her. It worked. She knew where I was. She kind of always did. She often ignored my tantrums. Let me get on with it I suppose. But for some reason with me she knew when it got too much. She simply said – running away is only a temporary fix. Why not come back down to earth and deal with it one step at a time with love in your heart. She wasn’t always fair or nice but she treated me with care and good advice. She liked her red wine and the funny thing it actually made her fine. I miss her with every heart beat, one day hope I her again will meet. In heaven or in devon I don’t mind, as long as like her, I can be kind. Anna why did you have to die, it fills me with a great big sigh! I miss you more than you will ever know, More
Post a Comment
Read more

Playing....

I never thought I played games, don't get me wrong I absolutely LOVE board games and monopoly the card game version but I'm talking about games of the heart, mind and soul. The type of games we can play when we are vulnerable to being vulnerable. When we need other people's approval, or don't love ourselves enough we require other people's attention to make us feel better. I never thought I did that more than normal, as we are all human and make those type of mistakes but I genuinely thought I was quite good at not playing games like that. Yeah I was wrong! I have had life challenge me with near deaths and deaths around me really affecting my world lately so I decided to go away for a few days and get my head straight. What I wasn't counting on was going away and straightening out my heart! I came back and realised I as a dater I am rubbish! I go hot and cold, I can be ridic sceptical and then throw them right off by being super duper much fun and actually
Post a Comment
Read more

Need a push?

Today I saw something amazing!  We are so quick to point out what is wrong in the world and how horrid people can be especially teenagers that we often miss the sense of community that is all around us! At lunch I was walking in a real rush back to the office after having picked up a birthday present for a friend of mine when I saw a little old man pushing what I can only assume to be his wife in a wheel chair. It looked as if he was struggling to get his missus up the hill so I went to cross the road to help but I was beaten to the post by a lovely young man that looked no older than 21.  He approached the man and his wife and asked if they needed a hand. The old man looked so reliefed and happy that he took the young lad up on the offer. This said gentleman pushed the old man's wife up the hill and than smiled, wished the two of them a good day and walked on. The older couple turned into their home and you could see they were definitely ready for a cuppa and a toasted tea c
Post a Comment
Read more