Odds Off

I received a text today that made me think. It stated:  ‘ I think that’s what you needed to do like literally switch off from all things negative and start seeing and concentrate on your positives  (which I haven’t heard or seen you do in a looooooong time!!’ I’m not going to lie. I have been in a super dark place. Not dark enough for it to show but internally I have been crumbling. I have tried my hardest to fight it and I have done an OK job but it has taken its toll. That is until yesterday. Of course I didn’t just snap out of it. I have been working hard to learn to work my way out of it but after crying just because someone that I don’t know on Saturday pushed me away I was like – WHATT??? Is this what I am allowing my brain to do to me? I deliberately didn’t rush to get the charger for my phone. I let it stay out of juice pretty much all day. I had an uncomfortable chat, then woke up and smelt the coffee. I decided that no one would ever rob me of me again. That includ

I remember her calling me down from a tree. I was angry! I was so angry that I tried to run away. I ran as far as the tree outside. I climbed it in my skirt. Noone had noticed how upset I was. So I thought. She did. She yoodled and sang for me to laugh at her. It worked. She knew where I was. She kind of always did. She often ignored my tantrums. Let me get on with it I suppose. But for some reason with me she knew when it got too much. She simply said – running away is only a temporary fix. Why not come back down to earth and deal with it one step at a time with love in your heart. She wasn’t always fair or nice but she treated me with care and good advice. She liked her red wine and the funny thing it actually made her fine. I miss her with every heart beat, one day hope I her again will meet. In heaven or in devon I don’t mind, as long as like her, I can be kind. Anna why did you have to die, it fills me with a great big sigh! I miss you more than you will ever know, More