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Day 4 House arrest, lock down – Bath, UK 2020 I thought I would start a daily, every two day write up of my experience of quarantine. I am lucky enough to have lived in so many countries all over the world (literally from one side to the other). I have also travelled reasonably well so have people around that I am interested in hearing how they are holding up and they message me asking how I am doing. So here we are. I used to do this when I had limited access to day to day life in Costa Rica and funnily enough, I also did this when I live in Hawaii but then it was in paper form and to my friend D! Someone might read it – someone might not. I guess it helps me as well. I am a talker and a thinker so this will help me get my daily words to a slight lesser amount! Haha! Here we go; Few days before the announcement, Fri – Monday. Bath – March 2020 It felt so surreal. The weekend and even the Friday before I had work and I felt guilty for going about. I text my wond
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Colosseum – a colossal craze, crime or celebrations? Or none of those?

Recently I was in a place I never thought would consume my heart, my head, my mind or my soul the way it did. My intention was never to visit, set foot inside and touch years of history. It kind of just happened. We got cheap tickets and without knowing it they entitled us to go into the colosseum in Rome. I was so excited to go. We planned the day around getting in and having enough time to explore the colosseum. We lucked out and skipped all queues and walked straight in! Armed with a smile I walked out of the arch and towards the opening. However that excitement was not long lived as it was as if I walked into an invisible wall of past. I felt shivers down my back, my head felt heavy and my eyes wanted to go swimming! I held back my sudden unexplained emotions and moved on. I ended up having a debate with my partner about the reality of its use. Was it celebrations, was it crime or was it simply a craze? We came from two complete different opinions. Neither one ri
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Smell the coffee!

I received a text today that made me think. It stated:  ‘ I think that’s what you needed to do like literally switch off from all things negative and start seeing and concentrate on your positives  (which I haven’t heard or seen you do in a looooooong time!!’ I’m not going to lie. I have been in a super dark place. Not dark enough for it to show but internally I have been crumbling. I have tried my hardest to fight it and I have done an OK job but it has taken its toll. That is until yesterday. Of course I didn’t just snap out of it. I have been working hard to learn to work my way out of it but after crying just because someone that I don’t know on Saturday pushed me away I was like – WHATT??? Is this what I am allowing my brain to do to me? I deliberately didn’t rush to get the charger for my phone. I let it stay out of juice pretty much all day. I had an uncomfortable chat, then woke up and smelt the coffee. I decided that no one would ever rob me of me again. That includ
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Circle of life

I remember her calling me down from a tree. I was angry! I was so angry that I tried to run away. I ran as far as the tree outside. I climbed it in my skirt. Noone had noticed how upset I was. So I thought. She did. She yoodled and sang for me to laugh at her. It worked. She knew where I was. She kind of always did. She often ignored my tantrums. Let me get on with it I suppose. But for some reason with me she knew when it got too much. She simply said – running away is only a temporary fix. Why not come back down to earth and deal with it one step at a time with love in your heart. She wasn’t always fair or nice but she treated me with care and good advice. She liked her red wine and the funny thing it actually made her fine. I miss her with every heart beat, one day hope I her again will meet. In heaven or in devon I don’t mind, as long as like her, I can be kind. Anna why did you have to die, it fills me with a great big sigh! I miss you more than you will ever know, More
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Need a push?

Today I saw something amazing!  We are so quick to point out what is wrong in the world and how horrid people can be especially teenagers that we often miss the sense of community that is all around us! At lunch I was walking in a real rush back to the office after having picked up a birthday present for a friend of mine when I saw a little old man pushing what I can only assume to be his wife in a wheel chair. It looked as if he was struggling to get his missus up the hill so I went to cross the road to help but I was beaten to the post by a lovely young man that looked no older than 21.  He approached the man and his wife and asked if they needed a hand. The old man looked so reliefed and happy that he took the young lad up on the offer. This said gentleman pushed the old man's wife up the hill and than smiled, wished the two of them a good day and walked on. The older couple turned into their home and you could see they were definitely ready for a cuppa and a toasted tea c
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Playing....

I never thought I played games, don't get me wrong I absolutely LOVE board games and monopoly the card game version but I'm talking about games of the heart, mind and soul. The type of games we can play when we are vulnerable to being vulnerable. When we need other people's approval, or don't love ourselves enough we require other people's attention to make us feel better. I never thought I did that more than normal, as we are all human and make those type of mistakes but I genuinely thought I was quite good at not playing games like that. Yeah I was wrong! I have had life challenge me with near deaths and deaths around me really affecting my world lately so I decided to go away for a few days and get my head straight. What I wasn't counting on was going away and straightening out my heart! I came back and realised I as a dater I am rubbish! I go hot and cold, I can be ridic sceptical and then throw them right off by being super duper much fun and actually
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Imagine....

At choir we are learning a song called imagine me and it is a very soppy but soulful song that for some reason has really got me thinking. Imagine a world where you are at peace with yourself, where your lack of confidence  doesn't  hold you back either with things you want to achieve or speaking up about the way you are treated? The more I listen to it, try and learn it I keep thinking, yeah imagine me in a place of no insecurities and actually letting go of all the people or things that have happened to hurt me. A place where I feel happy and confident and this week I realised that again it is my insecurity of myself and the thoughts /words / actions of others that again let hold me back.  I let others way of life over ride mine. I accept being walked over. I care more about others feelings than I do my own. I had someone live with me that was very unwell. I was so scared to upset this person I let her talk to me like my needs  didn't  matter and even though we av
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