Circle of life

Day 4 House arrest, lock down – Bath, UK 2020

I thought I would start a daily, every two day write up of my experience of quarantine. I am lucky enough to have lived in so many countries all over the world (literally from one side to the other). I have also travelled reasonably well so have people around that I am interested in hearing how they are holding up and they message me asking how I am doing.

So here we are. I used to do this when I had limited access to day to day life in Costa Rica and funnily enough, I also did this when I live in Hawaii but then it was in paper form and to my friend D!

Someone might read it – someone might not. I guess it helps me as well. I am a talker and a thinker so this will help me get my daily words to a slight lesser amount! Haha!

Here we go;

Few days before the announcement, Fri – Monday. Bath – March 2020

It felt so surreal. The weekend and even the Friday before I had work and I felt guilty for going about. I text my wonder woman group when I had gone for a walk to clear my mind. It was in a middle of a field with not one person in sight and I didn’t see a soul yet I felt rushed to get out of there! I knew that I had to swiftly change my mindset as the toxic guilt most of us feel, would destroy me if I allowed it to take over like this during these weird times. So, I pushed ahead. On my way back to the house I stopped off in any shop possible just to pick up what I didn’t have. All I wanted was a few pulses. There were none. Hhhmmmm this is crazy I thought to myself. All the announcements have said that the shops will remain open and Italy are now day 10 and they have proven that the shops do remain open! So what the fuck is wrong with people. Anyway, again I decided cursing others wasn’t going to magically bring me a bag of lentils and I had already done a facebook post on how stupid I felt food hoarders were! I had been reassured most people feel the same. There is a silver lining in everything!

I went home with what I could get. Butter, carton of lacto free milk, rice, tinned tuna and a bottle of cheap red wine. (for cooking obviously!)

At the house the two people I lived with were doing their thing. I asked if they had heard that there might be lockdown tomorrow. They both nodded. One of them asked me if we could run some errands before as I am the only one with a car. The other chap has a scooter but I doubt they would want to ride it together so my car Minty was ecstatic to have a valid guilt free reason to take a spin before going on a semi retyre (yeah I am pleased with that pun) ha!

Dave needed to go the chemist so as he waited for his prescriptions I sat in a park, a man came to me as I sat soaking up the sun (for those who don’t know – I worship the sun) and yes Kelli I know always have sunscreen on me! I have got marginally better since they had to remove a lot of moals…… but hey a girl gotta do what a girl gotta do!

He started talking at me. Telling me how hard this was already on the kids; how difficult he was finding it. I nodded and explained that it will be hard on everyone but positive attitude is the only way. I didn’t have kids so I couldn’t really understand that bit, but I didn’t really want to talk about anything other than how he is positively using his time. (I wasn’t going to explain that I have had my fair share of looking after children and running teaching lessons as I knew that is nothing compared to having them at home all day, but gave me a little more insight than I was letting on to..)
 

 OMG he went on and on. Trust me I can talk to anyone and have been called the friend collector for the last 15 years but this guy was something else! I simply let him talk at me as I realised he needed to vent. His story didn’t add up so I knew he was just using the time to talk. Then I saw Dave’s head pop out of the surgery and I was like – See you late mr man and remember you have to stay positive for your kids and find the blessings like your dad and grandad taught you. And off I went on my jolly way

It was at that moment I realised I did not want to be like that. That when I came out of house arrest, All I would remember were the tough times. The anxiety, the worry. No - I would use it to learn something. To slow down, to make peace with who I am. Find small things to laugh, to connect with people I love and miss but never seem to have the tome to talk to!

There was already a challenging living situation as not all of us in the house had the same principles or were dealing with it in a harmonious way. I had spoken up about it and instead of a conversation I was met with a silent wall. So, I decided that this man was sent to me to remind me not to get stuck in my head and not to allow my brain to take control. I would be the one deciding my fate! Ha!  

I went home armed with determination. I picked up a book to try and reset and not think. It was a book about war, Afghanistan. A major’s journey through war. I had been reluctant to finish it as my last serious relationship was with a military man, SBS in fact and after his last employment he was never the same. I ended up in therapy as I did not want to hate him for what he did but I also was in shock. But I met the author on a foraging trip with the great John wright and he will never know that, that day he said a couple of things that helped me close an angry experience and move on. I committed to reading his book and here we are.

Due to reading that book I thought I would document my experience again as you never know what people need during these surreal times!

I hope you enjoy what is to come.

Stay safe, love and be kind.

Talk to you tomorrow X