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New trainers!

I made a massive realisation the other day. I was asked if my confidence was masked by underlying insecurity. This question came out of the blue and deep conversations had not been taking place so it caught me off guard, but in a good way. I did not feel defensive or annoyed at this question which meant I was able to answer honestly. I answered that in my younger days I did feel incredibly insecure. I had insecurities flowing out of my ears; I was constantly looking for people’s approval. Thinking everyone was better than me. That I was too loud, too outspoken, too much this and not enough that. However now today is a completely different story! I am confident and have my moments of insecurity but I am comfortable. I am incredibly comfortable with myself. I feel at ease with my personality, with my body and with my thought system. I feel comfortable being slightly different. Being viewed as slightly challenging towards many people yet just as loving.  I will not always be everyone’s cup of tea but I live with a loving open heart and love each day as it comes. I am not afraid to follow the river to the sea and learn on that journey. I won’t be held back of the fear of regret of who I could have been or what I could have done differently. I was that person, that acted in that manner, and chose paths that have brought me here. Don’t get me wrong there are things I would have liked to do differently and I get scared but the difference is I realise now that things have happened and I can’t turn back time so I will learn from them if I haven’t already and be careful not to allow the past to become the warning sign to put me off facing a similar journey. I will simply look at the past and evaluate what I could do better this time round. Come on otherwise how could I ever allow myself to get into another relationship? Surely if I looked at the past I would be too scared that it would simply end at some stage or end up as amazing friendship rather than a loving companionship.. right? So I won’t let the past relationships prevent me from accepting someone new into my life and enjoy going on that journey but perhaps with new music selection on my ipod and new trainers! 

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