I made a massive realisation the other day. I was asked if my confidence was masked by underlying insecurity. This question came out of the blue and deep conversations had not been taking place so it caught me off guard, but in a good way. I did not feel defensive or annoyed at this question which meant I was able to answer honestly. I answered that in my younger days I did feel incredibly insecure. I had insecurities flowing out of my ears; I was constantly looking for people’s approval. Thinking everyone was better than me. That I was too loud, too outspoken, too much this and not enough that. However now today is a completely different story! I am confident and have my moments of insecurity but I am comfortable. I am incredibly comfortable with myself. I feel at ease with my personality, with my body and with my thought system. I feel comfortable being slightly different. Being viewed as slightly challenging towards many people yet just as loving. I will not always be everyone’s cup of tea but I live with a loving open heart and love each day as it comes. I am not afraid to follow the river to the sea and learn on that journey. I won’t be held back of the fear of regret of who I could have been or what I could have done differently. I was that person, that acted in that manner, and chose paths that have brought me here. Don’t get me wrong there are things I would have liked to do differently and I get scared but the difference is I realise now that things have happened and I can’t turn back time so I will learn from them if I haven’t already and be careful not to allow the past to become the warning sign to put me off facing a similar journey. I will simply look at the past and evaluate what I could do better this time round. Come on otherwise how could I ever allow myself to get into another relationship? Surely if I looked at the past I would be too scared that it would simply end at some stage or end up as amazing friendship rather than a loving companionship.. right? So I won’t let the past relationships prevent me from accepting someone new into my life and enjoy going on that journey but perhaps with new music selection on my ipod and new trainers!
“Never be afraid to try something new… an amateur built the ark that lasted forty days and forty nights; professionals built the titanic that sank
Hello Hello Everyone :) Not long now. In exactly four weeks I will be starting Odds Building Ltd aprenticeship in Costa Rica..... hehe :) I still have not bought the ruck sack... Or the mosquito net, or the present for the host family... but hey there is snow in England so I have an exscuse... :) I have started this now to make sure I get in the habit of posting little snippets as if anyone knows be well they will know I will be fab on this to begin with and then I just forget... :) I was told the other day if I was going to do a blogg I would need to stick to it!! and it was said with stern words - yeah you know who you are and look I have started... :) A lot of people have asked me why? Why now? Well why not is my answer? Why not now? Each year I learn more and more that you can not predict what will happen, who you will meet, who will show you new ways of looking at life or who will hurt you but help you grow as result. I have decided that I want to follow what feels right...
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