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Loneliness......


I am in a really good place, I feel grown up. I feel like I know the sound of my own voice. Finally!! :0)  is all that I can say.
It has been a journey; that is true!
Has it been worth it = hell, to the yeah it has!

I have been so scared to be alone that I have desperately looked towards people and places, even things to make me happy and lessen the fear of loneliness. I have even acted inappropriately, but what I have come to realise is that it was my internal courage that gave me the freedom to embrace life, and through this courage I have realised that I won’t be truly lonely as lonely is just a state of mind. It is a thought system that wants something else or someone else to fill a gap. However if I take responsibility for my life and what I fill it with there is no reason to really be lonely. Yeah of course we all get those moments when we wish we could be with someone and not just romantically. Being lonely isn’t always just for the single ones. I hear people often that are married talk about how lonely they are. I however have realised to have a fulfilling and happy life you have to know the rhythm of your own heart and not be scared to eliminate the people, places or things that cause you stress. To fill your life, your heart, your mind with what makes you tick and we shouldn’t settle for people that can’t or won’t do that for us. We also should not drag someone along for the ride if we cannot do that for them. I have been comfortable dating before when I knew I wasn’t being fare on the guy, just because I wanted that someone for those lonely nights... However looking back I was causing guilt within my own heart hence feeling even lonelier. Likewise I have been in a situation where I know I have been taken for a ride but I have allowed it as I thought it was better to be wanted even if it was only momentarily rather than sit at home alone. How wrong was I. I now have no fear in eliminating a dating scene and love my own company. I love sitting there reading, writing, watching a film or actually going out with my friends that I know are with me or I with them for genuine reasons. For reasons no other than we simply love each other’s company. We feel full of giddy stupidity, have a belly full of fiery opinions and we feel ace when we get back to the comfort of our home as we have had a good time. Where being honest is not a problem and you get the truth when you ask for it.
I now embrace my loneliness and am glad I have been single so long to really learn that I won’t settle for someone just to kind of like me or me to just kind of like them. I will wait and see if they can REALLY like me with my loud voice, over enthusiastic outlook, get go attitude to make things happen and my horrible humour. Someone that will amend their expectation and that I can do the same for them. I embrace feeling bored and lonely as I will now endeavour to use this time to get even better at a hobby or simply learn how to make the best brew in town! Might even start a black leather bound book on what wine I prefer!  
Life really can be embraced fully once you know yourself and don’t settle for not knowing what makes you a better person and you stop relying on others to tell you! When you simply stop settling for what doesn’t feel just quite right...


Odders By the way that is me embracing lonlieness :0) 
X 

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