Lately I have been tested beyond what I ever thought I would
be in an incredibly short amount of time! The universe has tested me in regards
to biting my tongue yet at the same time learning to speak up to hold on to my
values, let go and know I most likely will get hurt from it, have possessions stolen,
being stuck in an environment that was un empathetic and selfish, take control
when all I wanted was to breakdown, loss of a loved one and mainly being surrounded
by a world filled with volatile reactions. I have panicked like I haven’t done
in ages, I have cried like I haven’t for a while, I have laughed louder and
more heart fully than before when something has actually tickled me, yet
through this I have decided to take the biggest risk of my life. I have taken a
pay cut to put my happiness first. I have said no to temporary pleasures to aim
for long-term happiness yet I have been so distressed I have acted out of character
and done things that jeopardised my reputation and what I stand for whilst simultaneously
I have spoken gone a limb and been my loud self in an environment I most defiantly
would have been judged for not being quiet and proppa! I have basically been on
a rollercoaster of not emotions but life! And the funny thing is that I asked
for this. I actually asked the universe to teach me how to become the best person
I could become. I put it out there to become whole. To become happy, truly
happy and deep down I knew there were certain things I had to experience to
enable me to grow. You don’t learn without lessons, do you? You don’t know who
you truly are or how you react to situations if you have never been there? You
can guess and talk a good talk but in all honestly we all respect the people
that have done what they say they will and not the ones that simply talk about
it....??!!
I have re-acted slightly differently to it all than I
thought and funnily enough being single through it all has been the toughest
thing. To sometimes come home when all I have wanted is a cuddle and a cup of
tea made for me but be greeted with a flat I have struggled to maintain has
been challenging but again pushed me to grow even faster. Find what it is that
makes me happy, what it actually is that settles my heart without the
compliments or empathy of another. To click with myself enough to know how to
fulfil my own heart, needs and desires. To not be embarrassed of needs, to not
feel guilty and accept me for whom I am. To then speak up and ask for what I
need by friends and family without feeling like I am putting people out. To
accept that perhaps my ask might annoy someone but to then remember that it is
their responsibility to deny my request as much as it is my responsibility to
ask??!! To stop being so scared of being me with different needs than perhaps
others. Surely reality is that the people worthy of being in our lives realise
we aren’t perfect and see our good and bad and the ones you invest in are the
ones that you can show your bad side to so that you can sort out who can accept
you at your worst!! :)
So I have turned 31 – into my forties! And I know this is my
side of life to live it. To speak up when I don’t agree with things to hopefully
have the next 31 years as happy and honest as I can. To not let the past be a
stumbling block for my future. To not judge someone just because they have sinned
differently to me, nor have people in my life that would judge me for having
sinned differently to them or myself for perhaps acting differently to what I
would have thought I might do. To take risks that enhance my life, to love and
love freely as I would rather be cheated occasionally than be suspicious
forever. To aim high even if it means occasional lonely times but ensures a
majority of fulfilled moments and to not let fear of what I think might be stop
me from experience what could be! To stop seeking and take action to start
living fully and not let idiots talk me out of it or promise short term
happiness but rely on my own judgement and the family and friends around me
that have and always will enhance my life and allow me to do the same for them.
Surround myself with people that don’t get scared of how much I want to tell
them I love them as I don’t ever want to get so busy making a living that I
forget to make a life and I suggest you do to!!
So I end this with a picture I saw this morning:
Comments
Post a Comment