I once read a book about an elderly man who was faced with the reality of losing his speech along with most of his movement. He was asked how he would communicate. His answer was simple. “With touch and eye contact as our eyes are the mirrors to our souls”. I pondered over this for a long time. I thought about the awkwardness of silence. Could it be that we feel uncomfortable in silence as the words aren’t there to distract us from the real emotions and feelings floating within us? Do words and movements give us the ability to project a confabulated truth of how we really feel? Is this why people often don’t keep eye contact and why police officers and detectives seek the truth with simply face to face communication and minimal words. So it is with these thoughts I wonder to what point do we believe words? At what point do we stop kidding ourselves of the perfect speeches we receive when the actions clearly don’t match?
Do we believe empty words because we deeply want to? Because we hear words we desperately want to hear? Perhaps to feel better about ourselves? Do we most of the time know when these fabricated stories are exactly that but we turn a blind eye to it. We throw a sheet over our mirror? Are we so fragile that if we actually listened to our inner voice we would know we were often fed lies? Or is it because often these words are true and then when they aren’t it hurts because you trusted what you were being told?
So if we all go through this why is it that the truth is so hard for most of us? Why is it that so many people dread an uncomfortable conversation when actually one uncomfortable conversation dealt with in love and honesty eliminates future arguments? Why do people tell you lies or fabrications to keep you sweeter for longer when that will result in an explosion further down the line? Why are we so scared of real honest communications? Because how I see it is if you have open and honest communications you can truly feel the love! As then you are free to love with touch, words, eyes and which other method you so freely choose to use! J
I have been naive in believing someone for years when they ask for forgiveness and promise not to do it again. I was blinded by words and last week a part of my heart broke. I saw the truth for what it was. Even when it has been staring me in the face for over 10 years! Words. The words had always been there but so had the actions, and trust you me their actions definitely spoke louder than their speeches had for years. I in the same week was confronted with the reality of having to make another choice of the same sort. More words but no proof to support them. Yet this time I was scared. Am scared. I so desperately want to believe it. I wanted to believe the comfortable blanket being offered around me. The warmth, the cosy feeling of support, and the happy feeling of fun and love! Yet the pudding hadn’t risen. It was flat. We all know that once the cake is out of the oven and fallen you can’t put it back in the oven and hope for it to rise. You have to start from scratch and find out where you went wrong and do it better next time and hope this time it will rise. You wouldn’t present a fallen cake to special guests you have invited over so why would you give that to a loved one when you are wanting to prove that the proof is in the pudding? Why should you believe them? Maybe because they say we should give second chances and trust you me I have been given second chances and worked my butt off to showcase my willing to improve, learn and grow. However it becomes scary when you are giving third and fourth chances. Does that mean the stage is theirs and you are a young adoring spectator filling their egos with soul felt allowance to continue rehearsing their play again and again with one supportive fan!
I know if we had more security within ourselves we would be able to listen out better and actually hear the white noise hidden in all sounds. We would be able to have the conversations needed to move on with love and growth in our heart and focus the rest of the time on love and fun. Wake up with a smile on our face because we know we have accomplished what we want with the support and truth of our loved ones behind us but most importantly with the love and support we give ourselves! Such as the Snicker bar we secretly love eating guilt free or the rubbish TV show we don’t dare admit we watch on our won with a glass of red wine!
I know for future I will choose my words carefully when promising to people and admit that I am human and make mistakes but once I make them learn from them. I will become a cake bake master!! J I want to live as if I have a bird on my shoulder to remind me that each day is our last chance of that day. To accept that sometimes I want to be selfish and only look after me, but then also that I have days I just want to love other people and help them. That I will have days where I get so passionate about discussions I might upset people with my views, that other days I won’t actually have much to say about a subject. However mostly I will make my sure that I work hard to eliminate not to love fully and when my family and friends actually need me I won’t keep them hanging but I will be there.
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